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Legs Benedict
Chapter One
(read or print)
JUDITH MCMONIGLE FLYNN stared at the blank computer screen, hit
several keys in succession, and swore out loud. "I'm ruined!" she
exclaimed, running frantic fingers through her silver-streaked dark hair.
"I'm helpless! All the B&B reservations for the next two weeks have fallen
into a big, black hole!"
"No, they haven't," her cousin Renie said in a matter-of-fact voice as she came to stand behind Judith. "Move it, coz. Let me show you
something." Renie pressed a single key, and the screen scrolled down.
"There you go. Somehow, you put a bunch of white space at the top. We
delete that..." Renie pressed another key. "And here comes the
Hillside Manor guest list."
"Ah!" Judith put a hand to her bosom and leaned back in
the chair. "Thanks, coz. I was really upset there for a minute. This thing
has been giving me fits the last few days."
"You're still learning," Renie said, gazing at the names,
addresses, and phone numbers that now appeared on the screen. "Even after
all these years of working with a computer, I still hit something by
mistake, and weird stuff happens. Frankly, you should be using some kind of
B&B program. Your system is pretty clumsy."
"No, it's not," Judith said, on the defensive. "I use
Email for almost half my reservations, and all the ones from overseas. Then
I type them in and can use the wordprocessing part of the computer for
letters and Christmas card lists and all the other stuff. How is that
clumsy?"
Renie shrugged. "You'd make life easier if you had a real program,"
she insisted, still looking at the screen. "I'm sure they're available for
B&Bs. Why don't you call ... Hey, since when have you been reserving rooms
for Mr. and Mrs. John Smith?" Renie pointed to the names on the middle of
the screen.
"That's Mr. Smith's name," Judith replied. "Your last name is
Jones. Some people really are named John Smith."
"With a P.O. box in New York City?" Renie was skeptical.
"He explained that on the phone," Judith said in a reasonable tone.
"He lives in an apartment in Manhattan and it's easier for him to pick up
his mail at the post office."
Renie shrugged. "I thought people in Manhattan had doormen to take in
the mail. But you know best. You've been in the B&B business for nine
years. There can't be many surprises left."
Judith studied the screen. "Actually, there can be. That's one reason
I enjoy innkeeping. But most of all," she added, more to herself
than to Renie, "I love the people."
Renie was smiling. "We may be as close as sisters, coz, but we're
different in a lot of ways. I prefer to conduct my graphic design business
from the basement where no one can find me." "Right ...
yes." Judith was still peering at the screen. "You know, this is sort of
weird. Five of the six rooms booked for next Monday are for two nights.
They all booked within hours of each other, and none of them used E-mail.
They phoned." She ran a finger down the screen, indicating the reservations
for Doria, Perl, Santori, Schwartz, and Smith.
"Why is that weird?" asked Renie. "They're for the third week of
June. School's out, everybody's on the move. When did the requests come in?"
Judith glanced up at the old schoolhouse clock. "Between eight and
eleven-thirty this morning." It was now a few minutes after noon. "The
fifth reservation was made a month ago, by a couple from Minneapolis."
Renie shrugged, then lighted a cigarette. "As far as I'm concerned
what's weird is that you had any openings this time of year. Aren't you
usually booked solid from Memorial Day through Labor Day?"
Judith winced as Renie exhaled. "Not in mid-June. Generally,
there's about a ten-day lull. The locals know and the tourists have caught
on that it always rains in the Pacific Northwest right after school gets
out. Coz," she continued, unable to hide her exasperation, "do you have to
smoke in here?"
"Why not? Your mother does. And Joe has his cigars." Renie flicked
ash into the sink.
"I almost never let Mother smoke inside, and Joe never smokes
anywhere but up in our family quarters on the third floor. Sometimes I wish
you'd go back to eating like a disgusting pig."
"Not me," Renie replied breezily. "My dry cleaning bills have gone
way down. You know how messy I am when I eat. Now I just drop live ashes
and set my clothes on fire. That way, I never have to clean them."
Judith uttered a beleaguered sigh, though she knew that Renie was
more or less speaking the truth. Her cousin's obsession with food had often
driven Judith crazy over the years, in part because no matter how much
Renie ate, she never got fat.
Conversely, Judith was always watching her weight. "Statuesque" was
her favorite self-description, and at five-foot-nine, she could afford a
few extra pounds. Or so she told herself when she dared to get on the scale.
"If you go on smoking here," Judith threatened, "I'll have to bar
you from the house."
"If I go on smoking," Renie countered, "you're afraid you'll start
again. Besides, since Bill retired from the university at the end of this
past quarter, we're trying out hobbies we can share. He's started smoking,
too."
"Aaargh!" Judith twirled around, arms covering her head. "I don't
believe it! Bill's like Joe, he never smokes anything but cigars."
"He does now. We may even take up pot." Renie flicked more ashes in
the sink. "Got to go, coz. I have a meeting downtown at one."
For once, Judith was relieved to see Renie depart. The phone was
ringing; the cleaning woman, Phyliss Rackley, was yelling from the
basement; and Sweetums had scooted through the open back door where he was
sitting in the pantry, batting at cans of cat food.
The call was from a Mr. Harwood, asking for Judith's mother. He
sounded like a salesman, but Gertrude Grover could deal with him. Indeed,
Judith's mother probably would make him wish he'd gone into an easier line
of work, like guiding climbers up Mount Everest in a blizzard. Judith gave
Mr. Harwood her mother's separate number and hung up.
Phyliss was still yelling.
"What's wrong?" Judith called from the top of the basement stairs.
Behind her, Sweetums was reaching for the cat food tins.
"There's a mouse in your dryer," Phyliss yelled back. "He's deader
than a dodo, and gone to see the Lord."
Judith turned to remonstrate with Sweetums, who had just managed to
knock three of the cans off the shelf. The cat leaped out of the way
and began rolling one of the cans with his forepaw.
"I'll get the mouse," Judith said wearily, and headed down the stairs.
Phyliss, her gray sausage curls more disorderly than usual, was
standing on a discarded kitchen chair. "There might be more than one,"
she declared with a grim expression.
"If there is," Judith assured the cleaning woman, "Sweetums will
catch them. He's a good mouser."
"He's Satan's spawn," Phyliss retorted. "That cat is Beelzebub's
familiar."
"That cat is a cat," Judith said, using a paper towel to scoop the
mouse out of the dryer. "I'll put this in the garbage." She started back up
the stairs just as a can of cat food rolled past her and hit the concrete
basement floor with a clatter. "Okay, okay,"
Judith muttered. "I get the hint." She glared at Sweetums as she
went out the back door.
"Knucklehead!" The raspy voice came from the door of the converted toolshed. "Where's lunch?"
"Jeez." Judith tried to ignore her mother until she had dumped the dead mouse into the garbage can at the side of the house. "I'm coming. It's
been a hectic morning."
"Not in here," Gertrude Grover called, motioning inside the
toolshed with her walker. "Nothing happens in my so-called apartment. Mold
is growing between my toes."
"Didn't you just have a phone call?" Judith asked.
"I hate the phone. Okay, okay," Gertrude admitted, "so what? It was
some census taker or something. I told him I was dead. I might as well be.
In this boxy place, I feel like I'm already six feet under."
Judith also tried to ignore her mother's complaints. They weren't
new, but they were annoying. Seven years earlier when Judith had finally
married Joe Flynn, the great love of her life, Gertrude had gone into
self-exile in the backyard. Although she'd despised her daughter's first
husband, the late and usually unlamented Dan McMonigle, Gertrude had never
approved of Joe, either, and refused to live under the same roof. She
griped endlessly about the toolshed, but preferred it to sharing
space with her son-in-law.
"I'll be right back," Judith called over her shoulder. In the
kitchen, she hurriedly opened a can of cat food for Sweetums and spooned it
into a dish in the rear hallway. The cat eyed her coldly, then, with his
long, plumelike tail waving with disdain, he pranced away to consume his
meal.
Five minutes later, Judith appeared at the closed toolshed door.
"Lunch," she called, trying to sound cheerful. There was no response.
Judith balanced the tray in one hand and knocked with the other. "Lunch!"
she called again, this time louder. "Open up!"
Judith was about to knock again when the door opened just a crack.
"Who is it?" Gertrude hissed.
Judith sighed. "It's me. Your daughter. With lunch."
"Lunch?" Gertrude's small, wrinkled face displayed confusion. "What
about breakfast?"
Judith sighed again. "You ate breakfast at seven-thirty. Now it's
after twelve. You asked for lunch. Here it is."
"Lunch." Gertrude shook her head in a bewildered fashion. "If you
say so, Toots. Come on, don't just stand there like a tree stump."
Gritting her teeth, Judith entered the small sitting room and set
the tray down on her mother's cluttered card table. "Liverwurst sandwiches,
lemon Jell-O with mixed fruit, carrot sticks, sweet pickles, and coconut
bars I made this morning. Oh, and coffee. Okay?"
Warily looking at the items on the tray, Gertrude struggled to set
the walker aside, nudged the card table, and eased her frail body into the
shabby old orange and yellow armchair.
"Phew!" she exclaimed as Judith tried to help her get settled.
"That was quite it trip! I'm all worn out."
Judith didn't ask her mother what trip she had been on. Maybe
Gertrude referred to the trek from the door; maybe she was recalling some
long-ago journey with Donald Grover, Judith's father As age eroded her
mother's mind and body, Judith often didn't know what Gertrude was talking
about. And neither did Gertrude.
"All set?" Judith asked with a forced smile.
The watery eyes suddenly sharpened. "Huh? If you mean do I like this
slop, guess again, kiddo. Since when did I eat liverwurst you can slice?
You know what I like: the kind that comes out of one of those tube things,
and you smear it all over everything, including your elbows."
"Falstaff's is carrying this new brand," Judith explained. "It's
supposed to be healthier."
"Healthier?" Gertrude made it slashing gesture with one arm. "How
can eating sliced liverwurst give me new organs? Or," she asked slyly, "do
I get a new liver?"
Judith had to smile. It was always a relief when Gertrude showed
signs of her perverse old self. "If you don't like it, I'll go back to
buying the other kind," she told her mother. After all, what was the point
of serving low-cal, nonfat, high-fiber foods to a ninety-year-old woman who
had been raised on lard and bacon grease?
Buoyed by Gertrude's temporary lapse into sanity, Judith returned
to the house.
Phyliss was running the vacuum cleaner in the living room, and two
more calls had accumulated on the answering machine. One was a reminder
from the dentist for a cleaning and checkup, the other, a reservation
request for the Fourth of July. Hillside Manor was already full during the
holiday weekend, and had been booked since early April. In its location on
the south slope of Heraldsgate Hill, the B&B had a perfect view of the
annual fireworks out in the bay. Guests who were in the know always made
their reservations well ahead of time.
The rest of Friday was spent on the usual tasks. When Phyliss left
at one o'clock, Judith finished up the housework that the cleaning woman
hadn't quite managed to get done during her four-hour daily stint. A woman
called to cancel the Doria party of one for Monday, but within fifteen
minutes a man phoned to reserve the room for a Mr. du Turque. Judith
returned the calls that had backed up on her answering machine, computer
requests were checked, and the appetizers were created for the incoming
guests who began arriving around four. All six rooms were occupied by be
time Joe Flynn arrived home from his duties as a homicide detective with
the metropolitan police force.
"The rain stopped," he said in a cheerful tone after kissing Judith
hello. "Dare we barbecue tonight? I'll take over."
Judith considered. She had the meal planned and had just begun to
peel potatoes. The menu would keep. "Why not? If it starts raining again,
we'll come inside."
"I'll thaw the hamburger," Joe announced, heading for the
refrigerator. "Will your mother be joining us or will her broom have landed
by dinnertime?"
"Joe..." Judith started to remonstrate, then shut up. It was so
pleasant of late to have her husband come home in a good mood. It was also
unusual. "Mother likes hamburgers," Judith said instead. "But she'll
probably eat in the toolshed. I take it you had an easy day?"
"A snap," Joe replied, putting a pound of hamburger in the
microwave. "Wife whacks husband with fireplace shovel. Wife confesses.
Woody and I get home on time," he said, referring to his longtime partner,
Woody Price. "That's the way I want it until I retire at the end of the
year."
Originally, Joe's prospective retirement had been a bone of
contention between the Flynns. Judith felt that deep down, under the
complaints and the grouchiness, her husband loved his job and knew that he
was doing something worthwhile. But spurred by Bill's example, Joe had
decided that as soon as he could take Social Security, he too would bid
farewell to the workplace. He was tired, he was burned out, and murder on a
daily basis ravaged the soul. Judith understood her mate's attitude.
The weekend progressed smoothly, or as smoothly as it could with
the usual difficult demands of the guests. A couple from San Jose demanded
a futon. Fortunately, Judith kept one stored in the big closet on the
second floor. A woman from Des Moines fell in love with the baby grand in
the living room and played old favorites, none of which were Judith's. The
honeymooners from Houston got into a big fight and the bride ran out of the
house. Her groom found her two hours later, sitting on the next-door
neighbors' front porch, pouring her heart out to Arlene Rankers.
Monday dawned with the usual mid-June drizzle and dreary gray
skies. Around noon, Judith received a call from Earl and Donna Eckstrom,
the couple from Minneapolis who had made their reservation some weeks
earlier. They had had car trouble cast of the mountains and would have to
cancel. Judith graciously accepted their apologies, and wished she had a
more stringent policy on last-minute cancellations. On the other hand, true
to her good heart, she felt sorry for the Eckstroms. But their defection
left a vacancy.
Renie arrived late in the afternoon with a large sheet cake. "The
gas company gave me this when I went in to consult on their revised
customer newsletter. Some vice president was retiring and they were having
a party, but the guy got drunk at lunch and passed out, so they had to
cancel. They thought I'd like the cake, but we'll never eat all of it. 1
figured you could serve it to your guests instead of the usual hors
d'oeuvres."
Judith regarded the cake with "It's been a gas, Omar!" etched in
orange frosting. "Well... I suppose. Maybe I could serve it later, after
everyone has come in from their night on the town."
Renie shrugged. "If not, give it to the Dooleys. They've still got
about fourteen kids living at home, don't they?"
"At least," Judith laughed, referring to the large brood in the
Dutch colonial on the other side of the back fence. "I can't figure out
which are children and which are grandchildren these days. Sometimes I
wonder if people don't drive by and drop off a spare kid. Corinne and her
husband would never know the difference."
The front doorbell rang, a signal that either a guest or a
tradesperson had arrived. Family, friends, and neighbors sways used the
back door at
Hillside Manor.
"Time to play hostess," Judith said, heading through the swinging
doors to the dining room. "Stick around, I'll make us something to drink."
The man and woman on the front porch appeared to be son and mother.
"Barney Schwartz," the short, burly man said, and used his left hand to
wring Judith's until she winced. As he let go, Judith noticed that the
index and middle fingers of his right hand were missing. "This is my ma,
Min," Barney said, flicking the three remaining fingers at the older woman.
Min towered over her son. "That's short for Minerva," she said in a
deep, faintly accented voice. "How do you do, Mrs. ... ?"
"Flynn," Judith replied and cautiously offered her numb hand.
But Min Schwartz merely waved. "Arthritis. My fingers are very stiff."
So, Judith observed, was her spine. Minerva Schwartz was not only
tall, but ramrod straight, and possessed of a sharp, aquiline profile that
age hadn't quite undermined. The eyes matched the steel-gray hair, which
was swept back from her face and arranged in a tight little topknot. She
reminded Judith of her piano teacher, Mrs. Grindstein.
"You'll be in Room Four," Judith said. "It has twin beds and a very
nice view of the bay. Here, Mr. Schwartz, I'll help you with your luggage."
Barney Schwartz put his foot down in front of the two suitcases and
the train case. "I'll manage," he said with a crooked smile. "Hey, what's
with the parking? We pulled up in that cul-de-sac out front."
Judith glanced outside and saw a brand-new Cadillac parked at the
curb. "That's fine. We all have garages, although one or our neighbors, Mr.
Porter, tinkers with cars in his free time. We try to leave him a couple of
free
spaces. You drove from..." Judith paused, trying to recall the Schwartzes'
point of departure. "Royal Oak, Michigan."
"Yep," Barney answered, gathering up all three suitcases. "Just
outside De-troit. Motown. The Motor City. You been there?"
"Ah ... no, unless it was at night on the train." Judith managed a
half-smile. "Years ago, my cousin and I took the train to New York before
we sailed to Europe."
The cousin had inched her way into the entry hall. "I'll pour,"
Renie said in an undertone as Judith headed up the stairs with the
Schwartzes.
Judith gave a slight nod as she led her guests to their room. "We
had new wallpaper put up this winter," she said, opening the door. "I hope
you like it."
Barney didn't bother to look, but Min surveyed the subtle iris
design with the air of a connoisseur. "Very pleasant." She moved stiffly
towards the nearest door. "Is this the bathroom?"
Judith nodded. "You share it with Room Three. There's also a
bathroom just outside which is usually used by Rooms One and Two, but
accessible to any of the guests. Rooms Five and Six also share a bath."
Barney was shoving the suitcases into the small closet. "What about
a key?"
"Oh." Judith's half-smile twitched. "Here, this is for the room.
The other key is for the B&B. If you come in after ten at night, you'll
have to unlock the front door."
Barney's bushy eyebrows rose. "You don't keep this joint locked?"
Judith shook her head. "Not during the day. This is a very quiet
neighborhood."
Barney seemed amazed. "No break-ins? No burglaries? No crime?"
Judith shook her head. "No, it's very safe." The Schwartzes
couldn't see her cross her fingers behind her back. There had, alas, been a
murder
or two over the years, but only one had occurred on the premises of
Hillside Manor. Of course, a killer had once stayed at the B&B. Two
killers, actually. Or was it three? The disasters blurred in Judith's
memory.
"Wow. It's hard to find a safe neighborhood in a big city these
days." Barney seemed overwhelmed as he accepted the keys.
His mother, however, was regarding the bathroom door with
misgiving. "I prefer not to share. At my age, I need access to a bathroom
at all times, day and night."
Judith heard the authoritarian tone in Min's voice. More to the
point, Judith understood the vagaries of the elderly. "Well ... there's the
bathroom just outside the door, and there's one off the entry hall where
you came in just now."
Min vehemently shook her head; the topknot didn't budge. "I want
this bathroom locked on the other side."
Judith also understood the obstinacy of the older generation. She
remembered that Mr. and Mrs. Smith were in Room Three, the largest of the
guest rooms. The price was a bit higher, and therefore, the visitors who
stayed in Three expected the best of the amenities. Perhaps the Smiths
would be sympathetic.
I'll see what I can do," Judith said.
Min, however, wasn't giving in, nor did Barney seem willing to
mediate. Judith understood that, too. Barney probably had given up arguing
with his mother forty years ago.
"Lock it now," Min commanded.
Judith hesitated. "I'll make it worth your while," Barney said,
finally breaking his silence.
Judith sighed. "No, no. It's my job to make guests happy. I'll lock
it, and hope that the Smiths are a considerate couple."
"The Smiths?" Barney's bushy brows quivered again.
The faint sound of the doorbell could be heard from below. "Yes,
the Smiths. Excuse me, I'll take care of this right now."
Hurriedly, Judith went into the bathroom and locked the door from
Room Three.
Then, with a strained smile and a wave, she raced downstairs.
Renie had already opened the door. Two pretty young women
in their mid-twenties stood on the porch, each holding what looked like
brand-new suitcases and wearing sweatshirts, one of which read "Plays Well
With Others." The second shirt was emblazoned with "Runs With Scissors." A
blue and white airport shuttle was just pulling out of the cul-de-sac.
"Ms. Perl and Ms. Williams," Renie announced. "Of Newark, New
Jersey. This is your innkeeper, the redoubtable Mrs. Flynn."
"Redoubtable?" murmured Judith with a questioning glance at Renie.
"Hi," she said in her most amiable voice. "Welcome to Hillside Manor."
Both young women started talking at once, then burst into giggles.
"Stop it, Pan- the willowy blonde said to the plump brunette. "You'll make
Mrs. Flynn crazy."
"You started it, Sandi," Pam replied good-naturedly.
"Did not!" Sandi shot back, and they both lapsed into giggles again.
Sandi was the first to get herself under control. "Sorry. We teach
preschool, and sometimes, when we're out of the classroom, we get to
acting just like our students."
"But we don't wet our pants!" Pam doubled over with laughter.
"Or worse!" Tears of mirth began to roll down Sandi's cheeks.
Judith tugged at her chin. "Ah... Would you like to take your
things upstairs?"
Both young women stopped laughing at once. "Upstairs, downstairs,
all around the big stairs, here we go!" they chanted together, and gave
each other high fives when they'd finished.
"Sure," said Pam.
"Let's go," said Sandi.
The young women managed to stay composed while Judith
introduced them to Room One, a cozy nook next to the stairs. The decor's
bright red and pink roses seemed to suit the newcomers' personalities
perfectly.
"You'll be sharing a bathroom with the Smiths from Room Three and
Mr. du Turque from Room Two," Judith explained. "If it gets too crowded,
there's a bathroom downstairs off the entry hall."
"No problem," Pam declared. "We're used to sharing.
That's what we teach our students."
Judith felt relieved. Perhaps Mr. and Mrs. Smith would be equally
obliging. "Great. The appetizer hour is at six, with wine, sherry, and
juices. Is there anything else you need?"
Both young women were eyeing the closet. "Can you lock that?" Pam
asked. No one in Room One had ever made such a request.
Judith tested the knob. "I honestly don't know. I'd have to look
for a key. Is it important?"
Pam and Sandi exchanged quick glances. "Not if you have a safe,"
Sandi said.
"I do." Judith offered Pam and Sandi a reassuring smile. "It's in
the family quarters, though, so you'll have to give me whatever you want to
put in it."
Again, the two women looked at each other. "We'll get back to you
on that," Pam said. "Okay?"
"Sure. I'll be downstairs." Judith left.
Renie was in the front parlor, nursing a bourbon and water. She had
prepared Judith's scotch, but the ice was melting. "Here's to Humpty and
Dumpty," Renie said, raising her glass. "I'm glad you're stuck with them
and not me."
"I get stuck with a lot of people," Judith said, frowning at her
highball. "These two are no problem. At least they're cheerful. By the way,
when I mentioned drinks, I meant pop or tea."
Renie cocked her head. "So I'm a mind-reader?"
"You know I shouldn't be sitting here drinking at this time of
day," Judith said, then glanced at the venerable grandfather clock that
stood next
to a tall bookcase. It was almost four-thirty. "Why did I let you talk me
into this?"
"I didn't," Renie replied. "Isn't the late afternoon usually a
signal for drink 'em if you got 'em?"
"Not for me," Judith retorted as the doorbell rang again. "See what
I mean? Now they'll smell liquor on my breath." She shot Renie an annoyed
glance.
Pete and Marie Santori of Miami, Florida looked as if they wouldn't
have cared if Judith had appeared stoned out of her mind and in the nude.
Their deeply tanned arms were entwined and they only had eyes for each
other. Honeymooners, Judith thought, and offered the couple a bright smile.
"You're in Room Five," Judith said after Pete and Marie had managed
to let go long enough to bring in their two large pieces of luggage. "If
you'd sign the register..."
"You do it, Pooky-wookums," Marie urged with a poke in the ribs for
her beloved.
"No, Diddlyumdoodles," responded Pete, tickling his bride's chin.
"Ladies-lovely ladies-loving ladies first."
After a few more exchanges of treacle, Pete finally signed in. He
was tall, dark, and lean, with gold chains around his neck and a gold link
bracelet on his right wrist. Judith was about to hand the Santoris their
keys when Pam and Sandi came down the stairs. The two young women suddenly
stopped just before the first landing.
Sandi screamed and Pam collapsed.
Pete and Marie charged past Judith and ran out through the front door.
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