Flash

Kevin Barton sighed as he thought about his job for that Thursday. Mann's Chinese was not his favorite place to operate, but you had to be adaptable in his line of work.

"The bad thing about Chinese is you want to steal again 30 minutes later," he chuckled to himself, not for the first time. He thought about sending that joke in to Jay Leno, also not for the first time. His dream was to get on Leno, hopefully as the world's champion pickpocket.

The morning's pickings had been pretty slim. The highlight was $100 in travelers' checks that practically jumped into his hands out of a senile old windbag's purse. On that one, Barton earned his money. Everybody should have gotten paid to listen to the old crone go on and on about the Grand Canyon to anyone that would listen. He figured the actual carving of the canyon took less time than her story.

But this afternoon would be different. When he saw the tour bus pull up, he knew he was in for a nice chunk of change. Distractions were his best friend; this group had them in spades. The hokey signatures and footprints in the sidewalk helped, and the kids would make sure that the little old ladies were looking at something else besides Barton. Most of the rest were actually looking for a "real celebrity" outside the theater. Tourists, chuckled Barton, can't live with 'em, can't steal without 'em!

He was still smiling as he approached his first paycheck of the afternoon.

Grandma was a pickpocket's dream, really. Between the big hat and big bag, she should have worn a sign reading "Easy Mark." Barton grinned. He'd be in and out of that bag before Grandma even knew what hit her.

Barton moved in toward Grandma. At the same instant, the guy in the black socks (Barton knew that anyone stupid enough to wear black socks and tennis shoes had no money) headed toward him.

Just then, a man darted from the theater. Barton reached for Grandma's wallet and pulled out her police issue revolver just as Black Socks tackled him and they both fell to the ground. As they fell, the revolver fired, hitting the left calf of the man leaving the theater, who fell to the ground screaming.

"Get him, Sharon" said Black Socks. Grandma pulled handcuffs out of her bag and subdued the injured man, who taught everyone a few new Spanish phrases.

"What in the hell is going on?" Barton asked.

"You've just blown a two-month DEA investigation and shot a drug kingpin," said Black Socks. "Shoulda picked another mark."

Suddenly, Barton burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked Black Socks.

Barton couldn't stop laughing as he looked down at the signature in the sidewalk. His dream had come true. He was on Leno after all.