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First Chapter
R a g i n g e m o t i o n s ,
d e a d t i s s u e .
Polar opposites was the way Jeremy Carrier had always seen it. In
a hospital setting, no two disciplines were less connected than psychology
and pathology. As a practitioner of the former, Jeremy prided himself on an
open mind; a good psychotherapist worked hard at avoiding stereotypes. But
during all his years of training and clinical work at City Central Hospital,
Jeremy had met few pathologists who didn't fit a mold: withdrawn, mumbly
types, more comfortable with gobbets of necrosed flesh, the abstract
expressionism of cell smears, and the cold-storage ambience of the basement
morgue, than with living, breathing patients.
And his fellow psychologists, psychiatrists, and all the other soldiers
of the mental health army, were, more often than not, overly delicate souls
repelled by the sight of blood. Not that Jeremy had actually known any
pathologists, even after a decade of passing them in the hallways. The
social structure of the hospital had regressed to high school sensibilities:
Us-Them as religion, a lusty proliferation of castes, cliques, and
cabals, endless jockeying for power and turf. Adding to that was the
end-means inversion that captures every bureaucracy: the hospital had
devolved from a healing place needing funds to treat patients to a
large-scale municipal employer requiring patient fees to meet its staff
payroll. All that created a certain asocial flavor. A confederacy of
isolates.
At City Central, like was attracted to like, and only the last-ditch
necessities of patient care led to cross-pollination: internists finally
admitting defeat and calling in surgeons, generalists taking deep breaths
before plunging into the morass of consultation. What reason could there be
for a pathologist to contact a psychologist?
Because of all that-and because life's hellish wrist-flick had turned
Jeremy Carrier into a tormented, distracted young man-he was caught
off-balance by Arthur Chess's overture. Perhaps Jeremy's distractibility
formed the basis for all that followed.
For nearly a year, Jeremy had seen Arthur once a week, but the two men
had never exchanged a word. Yet here was Arthur, settling down opposite
Jeremy in the doctors' dining room and asking if Jeremy cared for company.
It was just before 3 p.m., an off-hour for lunch, and the room was nearly
empty.
Jeremy said, "Sure," then realized he was anything but.
Arthur nodded and settled his big frame into a small chair. His tray
bore two helpings of fried chicken, a hillock of mashed potatoes glazed with
gravy, a perfect square of corn bread, a small bowl of succotash, and a
sweating can of Coca-Cola. Staring at the food, Jeremy wondered: Southern
roots? He tried to recall if Arthur's voice had ever betrayed Southern
inflections, didn't think so. If anything, the old man's baritone was
flavored by New England. Arthur Chess showed no immediate interest in
conversation. Spreading a napkin on his lap, he began shearing through the
first piece of chicken. He cut quickly and gracefully, using long fingers
tipped by broad nails stubbed short. His long white lab coat was snowy-clean
but for a disturbing spatter of pinkish stains on the right sleeve. The
shirt beneath the coat was a blue pinpoint Oxford spread-collar. Arthur's
magenta bow tie hung askew in a way that suggested intention.
Jeremy figured the pathologist for at least sixty-five, maybe older, but
Arthur's pink skin glowed with health. A neat, white, mustachless beard,
which gave insight into what Lincoln's would've looked like had Honest Abe
been allowed to grow old, fringed Arthur's long face. His bald head was
lunar and imposing under cruel hospital lighting.
Jeremy knew of Arthur's reputation the way one is aware of a stranger's
biography. Once Head of Pathology, Professor Chess had stepped down from
administrative duties a few years ago to concentrate on scholarship.
Something to do with soft-tissue sarcomas, the minutiae of cell-wall
permeability, or whatnot. Arthur also had a reputation as a world traveler
and an amateur lepidopterist. His treatise on the carrion-eating butterflies
of Australia had been featured in the hospital gift shop, alongside the
usual paperback diversions. Jeremy had noticed the single stack of
dry-looking, dirt brown volumes because they drabbed in comparison with the
jackets of lurid best-sellers. The brown stack never seemed to reduce; why
would a patient want to read about bugs that ate corpses? Arthur ate three
bites of chicken and put down his fork. "I really do hope this isn't an
intrusion, Dr. Carrier."
"Not at all, Dr. Chess. Is there something you need?"
"Need?" Arthur was amused. "No, just seeking a bit of social discourse.
I've noticed that you tend to dine alone."
"My schedule," lied Jeremy. "Unpredictable." Since his life had gone to
hell, he'd been avoiding social discourse with anyone but patients. He'd
gotten to the point where he could fake friendly. But sometimes, on the
darkest of days, any human contact was painful.
Life's little wrist-flick...
"Of course," said Chess. "Given the nature of your work, that would have
to be the case."
"Sir?" said Jeremy.
"The unpredictability of human emotions."
"That's true."
Arthur nodded gravely, as if the two of them had reached a momentous
agreement. A moment later, he said, "Jeremy-may I call you Jeremy?-Jeremy, I
noticed you weren't at our little Tuesday get-together this week."
"A situation came up," said Jeremy, feeling like a child caught playing
hookey. He forced a smile. "Unpredictable emotions."
"Something that resolved well, I hope?" Jeremy nodded. "Anything new
come up at T.B.?"
"Two new diagnoses, an adenosarcoma, and a CML. Typical presentations,
the usual spirited discussion. To be honest, you didn't miss a thing."
Our little Tuesday get-together was Tumor Board. A weekly ritual, 8 to 9
a.m., in the larger conference room, Arthur Chess presiding over a confab of
oncologists, radiotherapists, surgeons, nurse specialists. Commanding the
slide projector, wielding a light wand, and his voluminous memory.
For nearly a year, Jeremy had been the mental health army's
representative. In all that time, he'd spoken up once. He'd attended his
first Tumor Board years before, as an intern, finding the experience an
ironic grotesquerie: slides of tumor-ravaged cells click-clicked on a giant
screen, the images obscured by nicotine haze. At least a third of the cancer
doctors and nurses were puffing away. Jeremy's supervisor at the time, an
astonishingly pompous psychoanalyst, had wielded a Meerschaum pipe of
Freudian proportions and blown Latakia fumes in Jeremy's face.
Arthur had been running things back then, too, and he'd looked much the
same, Jeremy realized. The chief pathologist hadn't smoked, but neither had
he objected. A few months later, a wealthy benefactor touring the hospital
poked her head in and gasped. Soon after, the hospital passed a no-smoking
rule, and the mood at subsequent Tumor Boards grew testy. Arthur sectioned a
tiny square of corn bread from the host slab and chewed thoughtfully. "No
loss for you, Jeremy, but I do believe that your presence contributes."
"Really."
"Even if you don't say much, the fact that you're there keeps the rest
of us on our toes. Sensitivity-wise."
"Well," said Jeremy, wondering why the old man was bullshitting him so
shamelessly, "anything that helps sensitivity."
"The time you did speak up," said Arthur, "taught us all a lesson."
Jeremy felt his face go hot. "I felt it was relevant."
"Oh, it was, Jeremy. Not everyone saw it that way, but it was."
The time he spoke up had been six weeks ago. Arthur flashing slides of a
metastasized stomach carcinoma on the big screen, defining the tumors in the
precise Latin poetry of histology. The patient, a fifty-eight-year-old woman
named Anna Duran, had been referred to Jeremy because of "unresponsive
demeanor."
Jeremy found her initially sullen. Rather than try to draw her out, he
refilled her empty cup with tea, got himself coffee, plumped her pillows,
then sat down by her bedside and waited. Not caring much if she responded,
or not. It had been that way since Jocelyn. He didn't even try anymore. And
the funny thing was, patients reacted to his apathy by opening up more
quickly. Grief had made him a more effective therapist. Jeremy,
flabbergasted, gave the matter some thought and decided patients probably
perceived his blank face and statue posture as some sort of immutable,
Zen-like calm.
If only they knew...
By the time she finished her tea, Anna Duran was ready to talk. Which is
why Jeremy was forced to speak up, twenty minutes into a contentious
exchange between Mrs. Duran's attending oncologist and the treating
radiotherapist. Both specialists were voluble men, well-intentioned,
dedicated to their craft, but overly focused, baby-bathwater-tossers.
Complicating matters further, neither cared for the other. That morning
they'd slipped into an increasingly heated debate on treatment sequence that
left the rest of the attendees peeking at their watches. Jeremy had resolved
to stay out of it. Tuesday mornings were an annoyance, his turn the result
of a mandatory rotation that placed him in too-close proximity to death. But
that morning, something propelled him to his feet.
The sudden motion fixed fifty pairs of eyes upon him.
The oncologist had just completed a pronouncement. The radiotherapist,
about to embark on a response, was deterred by the look on Jeremy's face.
Arthur Chess rolled the light wand between his hands. "Yes, Dr. Carrier?"
Jeremy faced the sparring physicians. "Gentlemen, your debate may be
justified on medical grounds, but you're wasting your time. Mrs. Duran won't
agree to any form of treatment."
Silence metastasized.
The oncologist said, "And why is that, Doctor?"
"She doesn't trust anyone here," said Jeremy. "She was operated on six
years ago-emergency appendectomy with postop sepsis. She's convinced that's
what gave her stomach cancer. Her plan is to discharge herself and to seek
out a local faith healer- a curandero."
The oncologist's eyes hardened. "Is that so, Doctor?"
"I'm afraid so, Doctor."
"Quaint and charmingly idiotic. Why wasn't I informed of this?"
"You just were," said Jeremy. "She told me yesterday. I left a message
at your office."
The oncologist's shoulders dropped. "Well, then... I suggest you return
to her bedside and convince her of the error of her ways."
"Not my job," said Jeremy. "She needs guidance from you. But frankly, I
don't think there's anything anyone can say."
"Oh, really?" The oncologist's smile was acrid. "She's ready to see her
witch doctor, then curl up and die?"
"She believes treatment made her sick and that more will kill her. It's
a stomach carcinoma. What are we really offering her?"
No answer. Everyone in the room knew the stats. Stomach cancer so
advanced was no grounds for optimism.
"Calming her down's not your job, Dr. Carrier?" said the oncologist.
"What exactly is your job, vis ˆ vis Tumor Board?"
"Good question," said Jeremy. And he left the room.
He'd expected a summons to the Chief Psychiatrist's office for a
reprimand and a transfer off the board. None came, and when he showed up
next Tuesday, he was met with what seemed to be respectful looks and nods.
Drop your interest in patients and patients talk to you more readily.
Mouth off at the honchos and gain collegial esteem.
Irony stank. From that point
on, Jeremy found excuses for missing the
meeting.
"The thing is," said Arthur, "we cellular types get so immersed in
details that we forget there's a person involved."
In your case, there's no longer a person involved.
Jeremy said, "Dr. Chess, I just did my job. I'm really not comfortable
being thought of as an arbiter of anything. Now, if you'll excuse me."
"Of course," said Arthur, unperturbed, as Jeremy bussed his tray and
left the dining room. Mumbling something Jeremy couldn't make out.
Later, much later, Jeremy was fairly certain he'd decoded Arthur's
parting words:
"Until the next time."
Excerpted from The Conspiracy Club by Jonathan Kellerman. Copyright 2003 by Jonathan Kellerman. Excerpted by permission of Ballantine Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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